Julien Baker Even Lyrics

[Verse 1]
When is it too many times
To tell you that I think of you every night
I don't want to make it hard on you
So I could be cruel
Yeah I could make you hate me
Would that make it easy
Did you think I forgot
The fireworks, the black eye
Trading blows on the fourth of July
But you were right, I was asking for it
I always am
It's no good if the pain doesn't make you feel like you earned it
And I probably deserved it

[Chorus]
'Cause all you ever say is
"What's the point; is anybody there to help me now"
It's not that I think I'm good
I know that I'm evil
I guess I was trying to even it out

[Verse 2]
Isn't that what you want
For me to be miserable like you
Well brother, you're about to get your wish
Putting my fist through the plaster in the bathroom of a Motel 6
I must have pictured it all a thousand times
I swear to God I think I'm gonna die
I know you were right
I can't be fixed, so help me

[Chorus]
'Cause all you ever say is
"What's the point; is anybody there to help me now"
It's not that I think I'm good
I know that I'm evil
I guess I was trying to even it out